I am a strong woman, self-reliant, independent, intelligent and a talent for improvisation. That’s a good thing, very good indeed. But it also has its pitfalls, because I found it difficult to ask for help for a long time. Partly because I believed that I could do it best myself, that I could make myself dependent, that I was obliged to give something in return and so on. Does that sound familiar?
Today I know: learn to ask for help! It’s worth it! I’m living my dream life (no, it’s not always perfect and of course, luckily, I always have new dreams) because 9 years ago I asked my boyfriend at the time to help me build my circus wagon. He is an enthusiastic and gifted craftsman and without him I simply wouldn’t be living under a walnut tree in my dreamTinyHouseOnWheels today.
It was no small request, but involved many, many hours of work, a lot of sweat and know-how on his part. And you know what? It really made him blossom, because he suddenly had an important, supportive role in my life.
Think about it, how do you feel when a friend asks you for advice or you can do someone a favor and you are looked at with shining eyes afterwards? When you ask for support, you allow people to actively participate in your life, to build a relationship with you. We make ourselves vulnerable (because, after all, a “no” could come), are confronted with our beliefs and fears and, to avoid this, we prefer to work ourselves to death. After all, it makes us feel important and competent… But honestly, is it worth it to you?
Also, if you keep falling into the buddy or mother role in relationships (even in friendships!), you may start asking for help yourself. You’re doing both sides a favor!
If you want to know more about the autonomy-interdependence polarity, see if ‘Rising Power‘ is for you…